Fade Out
by Tarafina
Summary: He's just going through the motions until he can end this whole mess.


**Title**: Fade Out  
**Category**: NCIS  
**Rating**: R**  
Genre**: Angst/Tragedy/Romance**  
Ship**: Tony/Abby  
**Warning(s)**: Substance Abuse, Dark Themes, Character Death  
**Word Count**: 10,794**  
Summary**: He's just going through the motions until he can end this whole mess.

**_Fade Out  
_**-OneShot-

When work ended, they all looked at him like they wanted to say something, like they'd been mulling over the "right words" for awhile now but just couldn't quite vocalize them.

McGee looked to Ziva who stared back and together, their eyes passed toward him. Gibbs stayed busy at his desk, mulling over papers, his brows furrowed. While the others were constantly trying to figure him out, it seemed Gibbs had no opinion and was often seen ignoring any distance in his ranks.

Tony lifted a hand to say goodbye and walked to the elevator, not bothering to wait around for them to get out whatever heartfelt crap they might've thought up this time.

His usual careless demeanor might put them off for awhile but in a few days they would no doubt have some other bright idea and he would have to find away around it too. They'd been looking for a way to get him out of his funk since it happened and they hadn't seen any results for their efforts. Every day, they came up with some other way to get his attention, trying and failing to get the reaction they wanted.

If she were around, she'd tell him they only cared about him, that they wanted the best for him, that they were worried and he should try to understand where they were coming from. She'd hug him tight and sigh, "To-nyyyyy…" and he would've given in, because it was _her_. But she wasn't there and whether or not he could hear her voice in his head didn't matter.

He picked up a bottle of whisky on the drive home, the same kind his father had practically lived off of. There was a bitterness that surrounded the very idea of imbibing anything the senior DiNozzo had but he was too angry to care anymore. He parked his car next to hers in the drive; no doubt somebody would remind him he had no need for a second car, let alone a hearse, and he should just get rid of it already. But as far as he was concerned it needed to be there. It was one of the few things he had left of her and he wasn't giving up one single memory.

The door slammed behind him and with a quick turn of the lock, he kicked off his Italian shoes and made his way to the living room. He didn't bother with the lights; he knew the layout well enough and bringing everything into focus, from the pictures on the walls to her long black trench coat hanging just above her spare combat boots would only make the ache worse.

There was yet another frozen casserole, courtesy of Ducky, in the fridge that he could heat up but he wasn't hungry; hadn't felt the urge for food in longer than he could remember. Oh he still ate, for appearance sake if nothing else. But walking into the kitchen was always accompanied by an assault on his mind. Of nights where she used to sit at the very edge of the counter in her absurd looking nightgown and bonnet while he rifled through the fridge for something to snack on. "Ooh! Ooh! Whip cream!" she would cry, clapping her hands. Her messy black ponytails making her appear far too innocent for the activities she had in mind involving said whip cream.

He couldn't even drink his coffee in there, not when he remembered her vividly sitting cross legged on the stool with a bowl of cocoa puffs in her hands while she watched morning cartoons. "You're never too old for Bugs Bunny, Tony!" she'd remind him when he couldn't help but smile and shake his head.

So he stuck to the living room with the TV, his bottle of Macallan 18 and a blanket to curl up in when he eventually passed out on the couch, a throbbing headache and eyes that burned his nightly reward. This was his life now; outside of work, this was what he did. She'd be appalled. She'd have dragged him out of the house and forced him back into regular life, even if meant going to classic movies that her favored metal concerts. But she wasn't there to clean him up or give him the kick in the butt to get him going again. So he continued on as is, wishing it hurt a little less and knowing it wouldn't. Ever.

He grabbed the remote off the coffee table and flicked it at the TV where it continued from the beginning; a continuous loop, never truly ending.

**-Fade In.-**

_A confused expression was plain to see on Tony's face as he stared into the camera lens. "Is it on?"_

_"The red light says it is," she called out brightly. "I told you to read the instructions!"_

_"Real men don't _need _instructions, Abs." He sighed. "We just _know _how to do these things."_

_"Then why don't you _know _if it's on?"_

_He frowned. "I'm pretty sure it is."_

_The focus turned left to right, fumbled and zoomed in and out as it was quickly turned around before finally focusing in on a grinning Abby Scuito, sitting amidst a pile of wrapping paper, newly torn to shreds. "Well?" she asked before fluffing her messy pigtails dramatically. "How do I look?"_

_With a laugh he zoomed in on her chest, currently covered in modest flannel pajamas._

_"Tony! That's not how Casablanca started!"_

_"I wouldn't have complained if it had," he returned easily._

_"Yes, you would have," she said knowingly, hands stuffed on her hips. Just as quickly as she reprimanded him, she was back to smiling. "So? How do you like it?"_

_"I love it, Abs. It's… Incredible!"_

_A warm flush spread across her cheeks, making her look even paler than usual. "I knew it! I _told _Gibbs!" _

_The camera panned around the living room, taking in the tall green tree covered in classic red and silver balls while simultaneously invaded by miniature vampire Santa's and gothic tributes per Abby's request. Various gifts were left wherever they'd been opened and cheesy Christmas music played in the background, no doubt hurting Abby's musical taste by the second. And there in the center of it all was her; wearing floppy black reindeer slippers and a charming grin. _

_"Now you can make your own classic movie!" she exclaimed, green eyes glittering with excitement._

_"And who will star in it?" he asked, zooming in on her once more. "Will you play the lady love?"_

_Tilting her head up, she raised a brow. "Is this just another way to get me into my Monroe dress?"_

_"Of course." When she giggled, he added, "But what DiNozzo special would be complete without Abby Scuito playing the lead?" Lifting up to his knees, he crawled toward her, zooming in and out for comic relief._

_Laughing, she leaned back on her elbows and stared up at him admiringly. "I dunno… It better have a great script!"_

_"I'll write it myself," he declared proudly. "It'll have action, drama, hilarity and of course…" He paused for effect, "Various sex scenes of extreme passion."_

_She laughed brightly. "I think we could manage that."_

_He sighed dramatically. "It'll take time, effort, and a lot of skill, but… I think we can do it!"_

_"I'm with you, Director," she agreed with a nod of superior amusement._

_"Wonderful. Now take off that flannel monstrosity and get ready for your close-up, Miss Scuito!"_

_With a shriek of laughter, she shook her head as his hand appeared, reaching for the buttons of her top. The camera turned away, finding a blurred fireplace in the process. Their low tones and chuckling could be heard before he fumbled with the buttons. "How do I turn this thing off?"_

_"Where'd I put the instructions?" she wondered._

_"Blasphemy, Scuito! Pure blasphemy!"_

**-Fade Out-**

With a clenched jaw, Tony turned the cap on his bottle with a vicious twist of his wrist before sinking lower in the couch and knocking back a swig, taking no delight in the burn of his throat. He closed his eyes when tears began to bite at them; when emotion welled thick in his chest.

He needed to dull everything; he needed for it all to stop for just a minute. The depression, the loneliness, the misery that crept from every corner, ready to consume him. He wished he could fall back on old habits; paste on a smile and pretend all was good, easy. Instead, he was stuck feeling like a mannequin, his expression stiff, lacking, his every movement something more out of necessity than a desire to live or breathe or move. It was like he was put on slow-motion, his body still functioning but everything else was just _stuck_.

He took another drag of his whiskey, not surprised when it was tasteless; it hardly gave him a buzz anymore. He'd fallen on it like a crutch, much like the father he still despised.

**-Fade In-**

_"Look!" Tony's voice cried from the screen. "Abs! I found the button that records in black and white!"_

_Abby stepped into view, smiling. "How's it look?"_

_He lifted the camera to her face before turning it an inch to the left and then righting it once more. "I wonder if…" A moment later, while the view was still black and white, red had been added to the color scheme and Abby's lips came vividly into view. "There!"_

_Her brow furrowed curiously. "What?" _

_"Huh? Oh, nothing, I just got it right where I want it…"_

_Her eyes narrowed. "Can you see down my shirt from there?" she wondered, craning her head down to see if any cleavage was showing._

_He chuckled. "Nope. It's all PG on this end."_

_She smiled. "Good. So… Now that you have your toy to play with I'm gonna get back to what I was doing." Motioning behind her with her thumb, she turned on her combat boot heel to leave._

_"It's no fun playing by myself!" he whined, following after her. "What are _you _doing?"_

_Entering Abby's home office, he panned the camera around her unusual surroundings, zooming in on Bert the collared, farting hippo before returning to Abby._

_"Gibbs sent me a few things to work on at home."_

_Tony sighed loud and dramatically. "Because you don't get enough of that at work."_

_"It'll only take an hour or two," she encouraged, looking up at him with big green eyes. "And besides, shouldn't you be working on your script?"_

_"Nope, I've decided this will be a natural piece, all real people, real emotion…" he drawled with passionate intensity._

_"Writer's block, huh?"_

_"Yeah, I got nothing," he admitted drily. "Everything I think of is already a movie."_

_"You'll think of something," she assured._

_"That's just it. I have!" _

_"The real-life thing?" She pursed her lips. "Is it going to involve others? Because you should know that with all those sex scenes you have planned, I haven't been with a woman since college and I'm a little rusty!"_

_"Well that's an image that isn't going anywhere anytime soon," he muttered under his breath._

_"Hmm?" she asked distractedly as she typed at her computer._

_"All I'm saying is…" He paused for effect, "_You see, this is my life, it always will be. There's nothing else… just us and the cameras and those wonderful people out there in the dark."

_"Mm…" She turned her eyes up thoughtfully. "Oh! Okay, uh… Sunset Boulevard!"_

_"Ah, 1950, good year," he sighed._

_"Agreed, now… As soon as I get this done I propose dessert!" _

_"We haven't had dinner yet," he reminded, cluelessly._

_She grinned up at him. "Exactly." _

_"Oh, right…" He cleared his throat. "Now that's a deal I can't refuse."_

_"I've still got it!" she cheered before returning to her work._

_Tony left her office, looked around and then turned the camera toward himself and with a serious face, he declared, "Everybody! Everybody wants a piece of me!" _

_"The Hustler! 1961!" Abby shouted to him from her office._

_With a soft grin, he told the camera, "I _love _that woman!"_

The view blurred before turning black.

The phone rang in the background, ignored while Tony continued to wallow on the couch, feet up on the table and blanket tossed over his legs to keep the chill out. By now, he'd usually hear her scurrying across the room, usually on her tiptoes as if it somehow made the people on the other end know she was on her way, as fast as she could. Or if she was still wearing her boots, the clomp would echo throughout the house as she cried, "Just wait! Just wait! I'm almost there!"

It was three more rings - no footsteps, no cheerful cries for patience - before the answering machine finally picked up.

"_Hey!_" her voice cheered loudly. "You've reached Abby and Tony Scuito, we're not home right now and—"

"Abs!" he interrupted quickly. "You can't give me your last name! Makes me sound _feminine!_"

"It's archaic for me to take _your _last name, Tony!"

"It wasn't when we got married," he reminded, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I wasn't _thinking _straight! The bodice on my dress was incredibly tight!"

"Oh, I remember," he mused.

"There was a lack of oxygen getting to my brain and for a moment I made a decision without thinking it thorough. Had I, I would've suggested hyphenating. However, now that all is said and done, this is my last resort!"

"Slowly convincing our friends and family I took your last name is your last resort?"

"Yup!"

"I happen to like my last name," he said, chuckling.

"Oh, I do too! But using it would be against my nature… So I'm sorry, Mr. Scuito, but you've been feminized."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up the feminizing train here, Abs. Tony Scu-" He cleared his throat. "DiNozzo! Is all man!"

"Aw, I know that … But for reasons your pride won't let you understand, I _have _to do this!" With a sigh, she said, " Now… You've reached the Scuitos—"

"DiNozzos!" Tony shouted in the background.

"Please leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you when we can… Oh, unless this is Gibbs, then you should've called our cell phones! Or McGee!"

"McGeek!"

"Or Ziva!"

Silence.

"No comeback for that, Tony?" she wondered, chuckling.

"I didn't want to make you a widow, Abs; I was only looking out for you!"

"Mmhmm, right. Ooh, or if this is Ducky or Palmer, you should call our cell phones too… You know, I'm starting to realize that most of the people who call us are from work… Is that a bad sign?"

"No, black cats are bad signs, this is just having a strong work ethic," Tony argued. "The length of this message, however, is a little much…"

"I like it!"

"We should hang up now."

"Fine… Mr. Scuito!"

"Abs!"

_BEEEPPP!_

There was a sigh, short, heavy, and Tony nearly reached for the phone. But he knew who it was and he wasn't ready to talk to him yet. It was a few seconds, as if he might've just been waiting. Finally, he hung up, and Tony returned to the TV once more. He wondered sometimes, if he only called to hear the message too. There were two reasons Tony didn't pick up; one, because he didn't want to talk to anybody unless absolutely necessary, and two, because he liked that message. Even if it was entirely too long and implied he was either whipped or justly feminized. He liked her voice and his and just like his home movies, it was memories caught in time, forever recorded for him to listen to and watch over and over again.

If Ziva were to figure that out, she'd no doubt say something along the lines of, "In _my_ country, when a man loses his wife he- _insert custom here that Tony would either disagree with entirely or tune out_." Unless it involved self-sacrifice. That was looking _mighty _interesting lately. Maybe there was some ancient ritual where he fell down on his sword all heroic like… Or wait, wasn't that because they disgraced their family or their name or something? Okay, maybe not the best idea. A guillotine then? Messy, yes, but what a way to go… Then again, he could imagine the clean-up afterwards and the team coming in. He tried to muster some sympathy for them but the Macallan was starting to kick in and his senses were dulling. There was nothing but that ache in his chest that never lightened or vanished.

**-Fade In-**

_"Hey, psst… Ziva!" The dark curly hair in front of him only moved side-to-side as if the Mossad officer was shaking her head at him. "Ziiiivaaaaaa…" he drawled annoyingly. "ZivaZivaZiva!" _

_"What?" she exclaimed, turning around irritably. Glaring, she stuffed her hands on her black dress shrouded hips. "Shouldn't you be dressing in your wedding clothes and waiting at the end of the hall to meet your wife?"_

_"It's an _aisle_ and she's my _bride_, not my wife… _yet_." _

_She rolled her eyes impatiently. "And?"_

_"And I can't hold the camera up there!"_

_"Oh…" She half-smiled. "You want me to then?"_

_"Pfft! No!" he declared. "As if I'd give you my baby! You'd probably lose your patience with it and lock it in some closet until the wedding was over."_

_She stared at him, blinked, and then lifted a brow. "What is your point, Tony?"_

_"I can't find McGeek, you seen him?"_

_"You are going to trust McGee with your precious video camera but not me?" she wondered, affronted._

_"Skinny little bobble-head he may be, but he at least knows how to use a camera without trying to interrogate instructions out of it."_

_"I _know _how to use the camera." She held her hand out. "Give it to me and I will get everything that you want."_

_"Uh, no," he said, shaking the camera side to side with him. "Now, you gonna tell me where McGoo is or do I hafta leave Abby waiting while I go searching?"_

_"Give. Me. The. Camera!" she ordered, staring at him._

_"Noooo." _

_"Tony!"_

_Suddenly the camera turned around as the groom began running. Rushing down hallways, he turned the lens around to face him and panting with wide-eyes he dramatically declared, "In case this is my last entry, let it be known that I'm not _afraid _of Ziva… I'm running because I don't want to disappoint Abby by having our wedding become a funeral!" He grinned before looking over his shoulder. "And Abby, if you're watching this… Do you _see _what I'm doing for you? I have to be the _greatest _husband there ever—"_

_A loud shout sounded before the camera tilted and scattered across the floor, the image upside down as Ziva tackled Tony to the ground, one of her hands around his throat, pinning him to the floor. _

_"I am perfectly capable of filming your wedding!" she exclaimed._

_"You're. Choking. Me!"_

_"Admit it!"_

_"Ckkkkkk!"_

_"Say I am capable!"_

_"You're. Cert-i-fi-able!"_

_Her brows furrowed as if she wasn't sure what that meant._

_"Ziva? Tony?" McGee stepped into view. "What are you doing? The wedding starts in less than five minutes."_

_"He! He said I could not film his wedding!"_

_McGee blinked. "Did you _want _to?"_

_"Well… no, but…"_

_"Can't. Breathe," Tony choked out, going red in the face._

_"Oh, yes, right." Clearing her throat, Ziva released him from her chokehold and stood up. "I think I will go see Abby. She may want to back out of this wedding and I must tell her I have contacts to help her get away if needed." Narrowing her eyes, she glared back at Tony before walking away._

_Gasping, Tony shook his head. "Where the hell were you before Ziva went crazy?"_

_"High school?" he suggested with a half-smile._

_Snorting, Tony stood up. "Good one. And guess what your reward is, McGeek?" Grabbing up the camera, he turned it right side up and pushed it into Tim's chest, camera lens up enough that it caught their faces. "Don't mess it up!"_

_"Or what?" he scoffed._

_"Or I'll sic Abby on you," he said simply, grinning._

_Tim paled._

**-Fade Out-**

Tony closed his eyes momentarily, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his eyes. A headache began to form and the heated prickling at his eyes made him swallow tightly. He clenched his jaw; his best defense against the emotions that were all too present in his daily life. It was all he ever did lately; bottle it up, shut others out, fake it every day.

_I'm fine. _

_I'm recovering. _

_I don't need anybody to check up on me._

Just a few of his usual responses when people started asking questions, started showing concern.

But he wasn't fine. Not by a long shot.

He wasn't recovering and he wasn't sure he wanted to.

And yeah, he didn't need them to check up, but that was partly because if they walked into the house they'd see the home videos, the mess, his make-shift bed on the couch, and they'd question his sanity, they'd kick him off the job, they'd have him in counseling so quickly his head would spin.

He couldn't have that. He _wouldn't_. All he had left was the job and he needed to do it; he needed that distraction. He needed to see this case through to the end, even if they told him he wasn't allowed to be a part of it; not really. Even if they all went quiet when he came into the office or they hid folders from him or turned screens off, unwilling to let him see the progress they'd made. Because they could look at him and see just the goofy guy he'd always acted like and assume that he wasn't capable of figuring these things out on his own, but while they were solving this case without him, he was doing it behind the scenes just as quickly and easily without their help.

Desk-duty was not his favorite job, but as long as it kept him at work, as long as he still had all the resources he needed, it was all that mattered.

**-Fade In-**

_In charge of the camera, Tim zoomed in to see Abby as she stepped through a black rose archway to stand at the beginning of the aisle in a vivid red lace wedding dress. Black hair tied back in a tousled style that fit her and still managed to look formal enough for the wedding, she grinned, looking both the bride and the gothic beauty they knew her as. Stepping forward, Gibbs held his arm out for her to take and with each of them smiling, he walked her slowly down the aisle. Turning to look at her, Abby's 'silver-haired fox' grinned, squeezed her hand, and gave her an approving nod. _

_Turning the camera, Tim found Tony at the front, his smile wide and excited. Dressed in a white tuxedo with a red handkerchief in his pocket and a red silk tie, his hand held his opposite wrist, arms in front of him as he waited for his bride. It was content, so honest and pure, that lit up Tony's face. Joy that he was marrying this unusual and wonderful woman. _

_"Never thought he'd get married," Tim mumbled, just loud enough that the mic on the camera caught it. _

Very few had. In fact, up until Abby, even Tony would probably have agreed that he wasn't the committing, let alone marrying, type. But then Abby came along and while there had only been friendship for a long time when their relationship had grown into something else things changed, became clearer, and it was obvious that this was not the same playboy-type DiNozzo most had known him as. This was the goofy but loving guy that Abby Scuito was more than willing to marry and that Tony was happy to be.

_As Gibbs held Abby's hand out for Tony to take, he gave him a good, long stare and instinctively Tony's shoulders lifted as if he expected to be slapped in the back of the head._

_With a grin, Gibbs shook his head and then took his place just to the right of Tony, as best man of all things._

_Giggling, Abby took Tony's hands in hers. "Do you _see _this dress?" she asked him, wiggling her hips. "Can you believe it was _on sale?_"_

_With a snort, Tony looked down at her long, retro lace dress in blood red, a tight, accentuating bodice that flared out at her hips and hugged all the way up to her impressive cleavage with puffy sleeves on either of her arms that kept slipping down. "It's very _you_, Abs!"_

_"Isn't it?" She hopped over to stand center with him and the minister. "All right! Let's get this show on the road, Padre!"_

_The crowd of watchers laughed lightly. _

_Tony gave the minister a nod, grinning at his bride. _

_"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bare witness to the holy union between Anthony Michael DiNozzo and Abigail Pauley Scuito. As today is only one in a great many they will share, we begin by acknowledging that their matrimony will be one of great love, understanding and unlimited friendship._

_"Marriage is a bond unbreakable, so long as two souls come together with the strength and trust that they will stand by one another, through thick and thin, that they will love each other, in sickness and in health, and that they will stay true in heart and body, no matter the circumstance. This commitment they make is not to be taken lightly, as they admit their bond to one another, so do they admit to us that they not only are they in love but that they believe their futures are only made whole with each other. _

_"Because both Anthony and Abigail have written their own vows, I ask them now to recite their promise to each other…"_

_Tony never removed his eyes from her. "I hereby promise that I will love, honor and cherish you every day of my life. I promise that I will personally polish your dog collars, buy you black nail polish when you run out, make tampon runs despite my complete confusion every time I walk down that aisle, and that no matter the circumstance, I will always be there to take care of you. I will love your pigtails and your red lipstick and your combat boots even when they crush my toes and scuff my very expensive Italian shoes…" He sighed faux-mournfully. "And I will forever thank whatever cosmic force brought you into my life." Turning, he glanced at Gibbs who, with a half-smile, held aloft a ring. "Thanks, Boss," he said, taking the silver band and turning back to lift Abby's fingerless-lace-gloved hand, sliding her ring on. "I, Anthony DiNozzo, take you, Abigail Scuito, to be my wedded wife, from now until forever."_

_Sniffling, Abby shook her head, "To-ny!" she cried, "That was really sweet!"_

_He laughed under his breath. "It is our wedding, Abs. I thought I'd break out the charm a little."_

_"A little?" she asked incredulously. "That was like _mondo-_charming!"_

_"Well, thank you," he said, smirking. "You got anything you'd like to say?"_

_"Well, _yeah! _But now I'm pretty sure I've been outdone." Socking his shoulder, she sighed. "Okay…" Taking a deep-breath, she grinned. "I had to write it down, 'cause I didn't want to forget anything." Digging into the small purse that hung off her wrist by a string, she produced a cue card. "Tony," she read, looking up from her speech to him. "I never believed in things like The One and loving someone so much and so deeply that I could spend an entire lifetime with them and not regret a moment. But… In between classic movie nights and dancing at Goth clubs, DiNozzo specialty pastas and Scuito's horribly burned mystery meals, I realized that how we don't fit makes us, well, _fit_." She sniffled, grinning. "You're Label and I'm Basement, and I would never change that. I would trade in ever collar I own just to spend one more day with your smile and your laughter and knowing that I am _your _Abs. So I take you! I take you and I give myself in return. I, Abigail Scuito, take you, Anthony DiNozzo, to be my everything, my husband, and my best friend, from now until we're old, wrinkly, and smell of denture glue!"_

_Tony nodded, closing his eyes tightly before he lifted her hands and kissed her knuckles sweetly._

_"Oh! And I got you a ring!" she exclaimed, turning quickly to look at Ziva, holding her palms out in wait._

_Producing the ring, Ziva nodded shortly and handed it to her. "There you go."_

_"Thanks!" Cheerfully, she turned back and slid his ring on his finger before tapping it. "You're mine now!"_

_Linking their fingers, he nodded. "And you're mine."_

_"By the powers vested in me by the state of Washington, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife," the minister announced, smiling at Tony. "You may kiss your bride!"_

_"Make it a good one, DiNozzo!" Abby told him._

_"As if I'm capable of anything less," he muttered arrogantly, wrapping an arm around her waist and tugging her close, her body tight to his own._

_"Well, there was that one time when—"_

_Her voice was muffled as his mouth descended on hers, their lips slanting together. Eyes falling closed on a sigh, Abby slid her hands up his chest and around his neck, fingers threading into his short hair. With a grin, Tony cupped her neck for balance as he turned her sideways and dipped her, never breaking their kiss. With a shriek of laughter, she kicked a leg up and held on. _

_The crowd behind them of friends and family stood up and cheered._

_Drawing back from their kiss, they grinned at each other. And with a light chuckle, Abby reached up and wiped the black lipstick from its smeared place across Tony's mouth. Hands linked, they stepped down to meet handshakes and hugs from friends and family._

_"I really think they'll make it," Tim said aloud._

_"They will," Gibbs said knowingly as he stepped up next to him. "I got a gut feeling." _

**-Fade Out-**

Tony lifted his half-empty bottle of Macallan to the screen in mock salute. "Where was your gut then, huh?" he slurred angrily, eyes narrowing. "Where was the infamous Gibbs gut when she _needed _it? When she—" His throat thickened then, hollowing painfully, as emotion was starkly burning its way upward, filling his eyes.

He needed to blame somebody and usually it was Gibbs. But it wasn't his boss's fault, not really. She's been in her Labby, rocking out to her ear-bleeding music, mind set solely on the case at hand. When a man, 6'7 and approximately 195 lbs, dressed in all black, had snuck in and shot her twice, point-blank, in the chest with a black .45, silencer equipped. He was there and gone so quickly, the only shot they had of him was when he killed her. There was no footage of him arriving or leaving, nothing of his face as he wore a ski mask, as clichéd as it was. Just that at 3:06 pm, on November 9th, 2014, a man had walked in, shot and killed Abigail DiNozzo, and left.

Thirty seconds of recorded footage; half a minute to watch his wife as she turned toward the unexpected guest, her expression twisting from curiosity to dread, and then – _snap! snap!_ – and she was gone. Bouncing off the desk as she stumbled back from the force of the bullets, she fell to the floor, her hand reaching for the bloody holes in her chest cavity before she simply slumped to one side and stopped breathing.

It was exactly twenty-three minutes later when she was found; no chance of resuscitation. Leroy Jethro Gibbs entered the lab, saw her there, dropped his coffee and crossed the room in a split-second, falling to his knees at her side, checking her pulse, and knowing there was no chance… She was gone.

Remembering, replaying the footage in his head, a tear slipped down Tony's unmoving, unemotional face; one of a million before it.

**-Fade In-**

_"I don't _get _it!" she harrumphed, stomping her foot. "Cooking should be like science. There's measuring and precision and I should be very, very awesome at it!"_

_The camera zoomed in on Abby staring down into a pot that bubbled, an unusual liquid below. _

_"What _is _that?" Tony wondered._

_"It _was _supposed to be a romantic dinner made by yours truly." She stuck her lower-lip out in a pout. "But now I think it might make me a widow." She smiled slowly. "On the bright side, I have _just _the outfit for your funeral!"_

_"That's… great, Abs," Tony offered, somewhere between amused and offended. "I'm glad you gave it some thought."_

_"Oh!" She looked up, big green eyes wide and apologetic. "I didn't mean it _that _way!" She shook her head. "Although, to be honest, with your line of work, I think I'll outlive you…"_

_"Hey! We work at the same _place!_"_

_"Yes… but look at your list of enemies compared to mine," she reminded, shrugging._

_"True, but…_still."_ Reaching across her, he grabbed the take-out menus from the fridge and fanned them out. "Who wants something that won't kill your way awesome husband?"_

_"I do! I do!" she cried, holding a hand up as she grinned at the camera, her green eyes glittering with mirth._

_"Okay… Italian or Chinese?"_

_She smirked. "I thought the answer to that was pretty obvious."_

_He snorted. "Good answer… I knew there was a reason I married you."_

_She feigned confusion. "You mean besides how ridiculously fantastic I am?"_

_"Well, _yeah_…" he exclaimed, nodding the camera along with him._

_She chuckled, rolling her eyes. "I'm calling for pasta," she told him, reaching for the phone. "_You…_ have the next forty-five minutes to convince me our sex tape won't leak."_

_"What sex tape? We don't have a—" He paused. "Oh-ho-ho," he laughed happily. "I like the way you think, Mrs. DiNozzo."_

_She winked at him. "Time's a wastin', Tony…" She dialed the phone, wiggling her eyebrows._

_"Okay. Okay… Costumes first… Where'd you put the Marilyn Monroe dress?" When she opened her mouth to reply, he interrupted, "No. Never mind. Our first video debut should be au naturale!" He snapped his lips. "Prepare to have your world rocked."_

_With a laugh, her eyes fell, "Yes, can I get a double order of your… Rigatoni con pollo e vodka?" she asked, chewing her lip as she waited. "Yes, and extra shitake mushrooms in both, please… Mmhmm, that's us… 'Kay, forty to fifty minutes?" She smirked over at him. "Perfect." Hanging up, she dropped the phone back on its stand._

_"Oooh, I love it when you talk Italian," he growled._

_She grinned back at him. "Yeah…? Penne," she said with a forced accent. "Gnocci…"_

_"Rawr!" he exclaimed exuberantly before dropping the camera to the counter and gathering her up into his arms, burying his mouth in her neck to kiss and tease her. _

_Laughing, her eyes fluttered. "Più, Anthony…" she whimpered, reaching for his shirt to drag it from the waist of his pants. "Venire qui, mio Stallone Italiano!"_

_He chuckled against her neck and lifted his head, meeting her eyes. "Il mio adore… Mio dolce Abigail…" He dragged his fingers through her hair affectionately. "Per sempre."_

_"Per sempre," she repeated before tugging on his collar and dragging him down, their mouths slanting. _

_Kissing her, he absently reached out to shove the camera in the opposite direction. Their laughter and a cry of pleasure from her was recorded just before it faded out. _

Two weeks, three days, and seven hours, he thought. Exactly how long since she died; since his life was turned upside down.

That day, he'd been out on a double homicide with McGee and Ziva. They were to meet Gibbs in Abby's lab, getting a call a half hour earlier since the all too brilliant forensic scientist had found something of interest. Standing in the elevator, whistling a jaunty tune just to bug Ziva, he'd nonchalantly flicked randomly at McGee's ear, chuckling when he turned red in the face but refused to do or say anything, somehow thinking he was besting the irritating senior field agent.

Pouting, McGee glared back at him. "I'm starting to wonder how Abby puts _up _with you."

"Prolonged exposure," he replied easily, "Makes me loveable."

"Yeah, somehow, I doubt that…" He rolled his eyes at Ziva, who scoffed agreeably.

"It's okay, McProbester, you'll find your Elf Goddess one day and she'll understand you and your Lord of the Rings fetish." He squeezed his co-workers shoulder, sighing mockingly. "Let's just hope she's better looking than I think she is…" He shuddered for effect. "You can do better, McGoo…" He looked him up and down and frowned. "Or you could just cut your losses… No harm, no foul."

As the elevator dinged, McGee had his mouth open, ready to snap back, but the noise in front of them drew their attention.

There were lab techs and medics all standing around the entrance to the lab and Tony felt his heart sink rapidly. "No," he muttered under his breath. Expression stark, fearing the worst, he ran out of the elevator and down the hall. "Nonononono."

"Tony!" McGee shouted in warning, chasing after him.

"I am sure it is nothing and you will feel incredibly stu—" Ziva broke off when he shoved past people and came to a sudden stop, a cry escaping his throat.

"Stop him!" Gibbs voice could be heard saying. "McGee! Ziva! Don't let him—"

It was too late; he'd already gotten in the room and was making his way toward their fallen lab technician.

McGee and Ziva paused in the doorway, staring in shock as Tony fell to his knees next to the pale, unmoving Abby.

"Abs…" he choked, reaching for her, his hand shaking. He dragged his fingers across her face, dragging her black hair of her cheek. "Abby…"

"Get him out of here," Gibbs told them thickly, turning away.

"Tony," McGee called, stepping closer. "Come on, you… You don't want to see her like this… She-You-I-" He looked to Ziva, not sure how to handle the situation.

A hand at Tony's shoulder tried to pull him away, he shrugged it off violently. Hands fisting, he leaned across Abby, not sure what to do. He wanted to drag her away from this; from the blood soaking through her white coat, from the number cards sitting all over, marking her floor with points of interest. He wanted to tell everyone to leave; that not just _anybody _was allowed in her Labby. But he could do none of that; he couldn't fix this; couldn't fix _her_.

Her lipstick was smeared, he thought dully. And reaching out, he smoothed his thumb along her mouth, trying to wipe away the dark mess. Her ponytails were askew and had she been waiting there, alive, smiling at him, he might've tugged on one affectionately. But they were thick with blood now, sticky and stuck to the floor.

Bile rose up in his throat; panic making his sight blur.

Hours? Minutes? He'd just talked to her on the phone a little while ago…

_"What's up, my Italian Stallion?"_

_"Not a lot… McProbiePants is talking Computer and I stopped paying attention twenty minutes ago."_

_She chuckled. "Don't play dumb; you're no technophobe, Tony."_

_"When he starts talking, I wish I was," he argued simply. "How about you? What exciting things are happening in Abby's Funworld?"_

_"Well… I can't tell you," she said, with the same excitement that always made him grin._

_"Can't or won't?"_

_"Mmm… both… Or, okay, more won't, but can't because it would ruin it, so yeah, _both!"

_He shook his head. "Okay… and how long do I have to wait for this news?"_

_"Approximately eight hours."_

_"Approximately," he repeated wonderingly._

_"Well… I'm guessing you'll wrap this case up in six, what with the awesome breakthrough I just made, and then we've still got to get home and you have to make dinner, so… Yep! I stick with my original theory of eight hours!"_

_He wrinkled his nose. "Is it something I'll like?"_

_"Yes. Well, okay, I _think _you will. And you _should_. But if you aren't…" She paused. "No. You will be. But if you aren't, ooh… you are in _so much trouble!_"_

_He laughed. "I don't even know what it is yet!"_

_"Right. But when you do you are going to _freak_!" She hurried to add, "But in a good way… I think."_

_"All right… I'll take your word for it."_

_"Good… Because Abby's word is law!"_

_"And I'm sworn to uphold the law!"_

_"Aww, I like it when you hold me," she sighed._

_He chuckled. "I like holding you, too."_

_"To-nyyy…" she pouted. "Now I wanna tell you!"_

_"And ruin the surprise?" he teased._

_"Okay. You're right! I'm hanging up now so I can tell you later!"_

_He frowned. "Not even a hint?"_

_"Positive."_

_"As in yes, I get a hint?" he wondered, confused._

_"No, that _was _your hint," she said, exasperated. "Annnd… scene!"_

_With that, she hung up on him._

_Snorting, he shook his head and snapped his phone closed. He figured he could wait; and if not, he'd just get it out of her when he saw her back at the lab. He had his ways of persuading her… He grinned._

Her face was cold; he kept stroking her cheek, but she wasn't waking up, she wasn't warming. The voices around him had dulled, sounding more like distorted noises, coming from far away. A buzzing in his ear; annoying, constantly trying to infiltrate, to tear his attention away. But he kept staring down, kept looking at his sweet Abby. She was paler than usual; no warmth to her cheeks. Something wet fell atop her face and he stared, confused, reaching out to brush it away. But then another fell and he thought to look up, to find where it was coming from, but then… he felt it. It was him; he was… he was _crying_.

He wanted to wait for her to say, "Gotcha!" To spring into action and tell him it was all a hoax, a poorly thought out joke. But she didn't; she never moved, and there was somebody pulling at his shoulder again, trying to drag him away. He struggled, he shoved back, he tried to get out of their grip and back to her. But she was fading and his heart was hammering in his ears and he couldn't breathe. And then… a pinch, at his throat, and he looked back… _Ziva_… He went limp, his vision clouding, his body giving out, and simply slumped forward. The last thing he saw was Abby… as they zipped the coroner's bag closed around her.

He woke up the next day strapped down in the hospital; they'd apparently thought he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. From hysteric to complete calm, he never said a word, didn't even move as the doctors and nurses came and went, until finally they were forced to let him go. Three days in observation and they decided there was nothing wrong with him, there was nothing they could do for him. So they sent him home; they sent him back out into the world assuming that he would _cope_.

And to the outside world, he was doing just that.

But really, he'd been tracking her case without anybody else's knowledge. He was forced out of work for the first few days but when he just kept showing up each morning, they finally stopped sending him home.

"If you lose it, Tony… You're gone," the director had warned him, even while staring at him with that thick pity that made his chest twist.

And so he didn't; he never lost his temper, never spoke out of turn, and hardly even looked in their direction. Occasionally, they would try and strike up a conversation with him, even just in passing.

"Hey, Tony, guess what I did last night?" McGee asked with a forced chuckle. "Had a Dungeons and Dragons _marathon_ with my buddies… You know, those friends you don't think I have or that I only talk to via IM'ing?" When he didn't get a jab back, he would sigh. "Maybe after I, uh, I hung out with my blow-up-doll girlfriend, right?" Still, there was nothing, and so he would leave it alone awhile longer.

And then Ziva would try, often butchering American colloquialisms in an effort to goad him into correcting her, which never worked, no matter how hard she tried.

"Perhaps I am just yelling up the wrong tree, yes?"

"It's, uh, _barking_, Ziva," McGee would intervene.

"Why would I be barking at a tree, McGee?" she wondered, shaking her head.

And before they could start their mini-war, trying to at least make him laugh, Gibbs would come in and demand some kind of answer on their case, the ones they worked while not trying to let him see Abby's own mystery as it was unraveled.

Just work as usual and they'd all pretend; nothing to fester over.

Truth was they were worried about him. He wasn't the same anymore and they didn't know how to deal with that. He was too tired to pretend to be the old Tony; to act out or joke or play it loose as if he wasn't a broken mess. So he went blank, he didn't speak unless spoken to, he simply functioned.

He wasn't sure how much longer he could do it though.

**-Fade In-**

_The green was lit with black and green, scanning down a naked torso, zooming in on spiderweb tattoos and black ink that spiraled down her spine. His free hand reached out, following the flowing curves of tattooed lines across perfect, pale skin. The lower the camera moved, the farther his hand fell._

_"From PG13 to an R rating in 2.5," she murmured tiredly. Her dark, mussed hair shifted as she looked up at him over her shoulder. "You did not just put the night vision on, did you?" She narrowed her eyes knowingly. _

_Shifting to lay next to her, with the camera angled down at them from above, he wrinkled his nose and looked at her. "And if I did?"_

_"To-nyyy…" She rolled onto her back, dragging the sheet up across her naked chest. "Now every time we see this part, we'll be reminded of Paris Hilton…" She frowned. "Our sex life is much more interesting!"_

_"No argument there," he replied, smirking. "But I didn't feel like turning on a light."_

_"So you dragged out your video camera and thought this was a better idea?"_

_He grinned at her. "The inner-workings of the DiNozzo mind…" he said dramatically._

_"Try to see if you can see what I'm thinking," she suggested, narrowing her eyes at him and pressing a forefinger to either temple._

_"Uh… Turn off the camera and make long, passionate love to me?" he replied, brows lifted high on his forehead._

_She snorted. "I think you'll need a few minutes there, Big Guy," she reminded, looking down at their still naked and somewhat sweaty forms._

_"Hey… I've still got some left in me…" He leaned over to kiss the side of her mouth. "Question is: can you keep up?"_

_She scoffed, face alit with humor. "Please… I could go all night!"_

_"Interested in putting that to the test?"_

_"Bring it on!" she exclaimed._

_But almost simultaneously, their stomachs grumbled._

_"Right… Sustenance first," he decided, twirling the camera around. Faced with the closet, the view was of bouncing shadows as either of them climbed out of bed and dragged on something to wear. _

_Grabbing up the camera once more, he dragged it up and down to take her in, wearing only one of his shirts, her long bare legs what he focused most on. There was a peek at her thigh tattoo that he zoomed in on as it flashed just beneath the edge of his long shirt. _

_"You think we need to reheat the pasta?" she wondered, pouting. _

_"Should be fine," he replied. _

_Met with the kitchen, he passed her the camera and then dug inside the fridge to bring out their leftover dinner. Aiming the camera at him, she zoomed in and out on his butt before reaching out and dragging her foot down his brief-covered derriere._

_He glanced back at her, lifting a brow. "Keep it up and we're not gonna have any time to eat."_

_Taking out the containers, he brought them over to where she sat and walked to the cabinet drawer to pull out cutlery. When he returned, he stood between the part of her swinging legs, hanging over the edge of the island she sat atop. Using the fork to slice off a chunk of their food, he lifted it up with his fingers and fed it to her. _

_Holding the camera away from them, her arm waivered slightly as he dragged his forefinger along her lower-lip teasingly. Reaching with her tongue, she licked the pad of his finger and then winked. _

_He grinned before taking another piece of clustered rigatoni noodles from the container and held it up for her to eat._

_Chewing, she grinned and wrapped her free hand around his neck, dragging him forward for a kiss. _

_"Unless you really want this turning into a Paris Hilton moment, we probably should turn that off," he mumbled in between lingering kisses._

_"Mmm…" She brought the camera back toward them and widened her expression comically, "Aaaannd… scene!_" _With that, she dropped the camera back to the counter and as it faded away, her melodic laughter echoed._

His chin raised, red-rimmed eyes glued to the screen, knowing what was coming next. His favorite part; the best and worst of the tape.

**-Fade In-**

_The picture was a blurred close up of a fuzzy black t-shirt that only became clearer as the person wearing said shirt backed up. A pink skull and crossbones stitched in the front focused before finally Abby was completely visible, her eyes squinted as she stared, her head tilted, at the camera. "Okay… Before you freak, I did _not _steal your baby for nefarious deeds," she assured, holding her hands up. Her smile quirked. "I like that word. Nefarious. You ever wonder who came up with that? Like somebody was just sitting around in their office one day, smoking a pipe and thought, 'Hey… I bet I could get away with saying the word _nefarious _and nobody would know I just made it up," she said in a mimicked English accent. "Or maybe—" _

_She paused, looking back at the camera. "Right, sorry, I got distracted." Sitting now, her legs crossed Indian style, she said, "So I don't know when you'll see this… Maybe when you're finally putting this video log together into something that isn't a mess of jumbled scenes that others would probably think were crazy but in the end make such sense to _us_ because this is our lives and only we really know how crazy awesome it really is, or maybe you won't ever, because for all I know something nefarious _could _happen, any second now," she worried, eyes wide, "And your camera would be broken and the film distorted and so you'll never know what I said!" She gripped her knees, her black fingernails in such contract to her creamy white skin. "Okay, maybe I'm just being totally overdramatic. It happens! But anyway…" _

_She held her hands up as if to begin the scene with a little flare, "So, I know I'll tell you this in person and we'll probably get that on tape later, too. But I was so excited and I wanted to tell you right away. Except you're on a case and Gibbs said no personal calls and I found your camera and well, you get it," she bobbed her head along, waving her hands, "Point A to B and right on through to E and here we are. _So! _Here's the news…" She grinned widely at the lens. "Listen closely, because this is seriously, totally, monumentally, awesomely, well… _awesome!_" She giggled, bouncing on spot. "Make room for a little bundle of ScuNozzo, my Italian Stallion, because I am so officially having your spawn!" Her hands raised, covering her mouth as laughter bubbled out. _

Sitting on the couch, Tony's hand tightened around his bottle, his eyes blinking furiously as he watched the screen.

_"So I know I've been complaining lately because I've been sick this last week or so and you kept bugging me to see somebody about it, so I did… even though I think Major Mass Spec. would've _eventually_ been able to figure out my illness on its own," she argued. "In any case, we're three months along and progressing nicely… especially since I didn't even know he or she was in there." Looking down, she patted her stomach. "And I'm excited, like uber-excited!" She gave him the rock-on sign for emphasis. "And we've got tomorrow night off, is all goes well, so I'll tell you over dinner…" She pointed meaningfully, "Which you are _so _making because I have officially handed in my apron!" _

_Grinning widely, she clapped once more, mood improving radically. "So… Be prepared for tomorrow night, Tony, 'cause after we wrap up this case you are going to experience father-to-be anxiety which will eventually morph into excitement and then probably anxiety again," she admitted, brows lifted with her theory, "because we've got like six months before this little he or she comes screaming into the world!" Her hands gesticulated wildly. _

_A smile formed on her face then, faint and sweet and gentle. "And _I_… cannot _wait!_"_

_Waving then, she crawled back over and kissed the lens before wrinkling her nose cutely and turning off the camera._

The screen went black for only a few seconds before it turned blue with the end of the tape.

Feeling something wet seeping through his shirt, Tony looked down to see he'd been holding the whiskey bottle so tight it cracked and was now leaking all over him.

Angrily, he shoved the bottle away and leaned back into the couch, tossing his head back to stare wearily up at the ceiling. He could hear the whir of the machine as it clicked back into place, ready to repeat the whole process. Swallowing thickly, he closed his eyes.

_"Is it on?" _his confused voice echoed through the room.

"_The red light says it is_," she answered brightly. "_I told you to read the instructions!_"

He would fall into a fitful sleep some time around its third repetitive loop, dreaming of her and a time when she was alive and well and her sweet laughter was in his ear or buried in his neck rather than just a recording, a memory.

In the following week, he would crack her case behind the scenes, just about the same time Gibbs and the team did. He waited in the hallway while Gibbs interrogated Jason Matthews, 36, a 6'7 marine who found out Abby was investigating the old case of his missing girlfriend. Having the kind of reputation that proceeded her, Matthews got worried and decided to eliminate Abby before she could find out just what he did and how he'd shut his girl up when she got nosy and started poking around in military affairs.

He didn't watch because they'd only stop him or try and keep him from what he'd been planning all along. He didn't need to hear Matthews reasons or excuses; he didn't need it because he already knew _why_, he already knew _how_…

And when he was brought out, Tony stared back at the snarl on Jason's face, his arms crossed loosely over his chest as if he was at ease, even casual.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs greeted, his firm expression warning him not to anything.

Ignoring him, Tony stared darkly at Matthews. "It worth it?" he asked, his expression a mask of emotionless curiosity. "You got a couple weeks out of it, right? Little more freedom before you were caught."

His lip curled in a sneer. "If that bitch had just stayed out of it—"

The spark ignited and all of his hard work at keeping cool cracked. He lunged, pinning Matthews against the wall and ripping him out of Gibbs' grip. "That _bitch _was my wife…" he growled back, rage coming to the forefront. "You killed her… And for _what?"_ He laughed almost hysterically. "For what?" he repeated, shaking his head.

He felt something dig into his ribs and glanced down to see his own gun was being held by Matthews, aimed up against him after he'd filched it from its holster.

"Go ahead," Tony goaded carelessly. "What's one more murder, right? You already got two innocent people on your sheet, why not finish it off, huh?"

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs growled, ordering him to shut the hell up.

A door slammed behind them and he knew, instinctively, that Ziva and McGee were there now, too. That Matthews had three guns trained on him, ready and eager to shoot.

Tony ignored them. "It's funny, isn't it?" He smiled sarcastically, almost manically. "That you're the one with the gun now…" He shook his head. "'Cause two hours ago, I was in your house…" He watched with satisfaction as Matthews eyes widened, brow knotting with understanding. "And I was going to take that same gun and I was going to kill you… Two shots…" He leaned in a little. "With a silencer, of course. Because I wouldn't want the neighbors to worry…" He stared at him starkly, jaw clenching. "And then I was going to watch you _bleed_ until every last bit of life was gone." He squeezed his hand around Matthew's throat, happy when the man choked a little. "And you would've deserved every damn second of it."

"Fuck you," he snarled back before pulling the trigger.

_Bang! _

Tony felt it cut through his ribs, maybe even puncture a lung. He felt the jolt his entire body received as the bullet ripped through him. And he laughed rather than cry out; he laughed with the same insanity that had coursed through his veins since the second he had to wrestle past everyone to get into the lab, to get to Abby, all to find his wife dead, to see her zipped up in a black bag before she was carted off to autopsy, to be cut open and treated like any other victim under Ducky's philosophical scalpel.

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

Ziva, McGee and Gibbs hammered a bullet each into Matthews until he slammed against the wall with the velocity and slipped to the floor in a heap.

Still laughing, Tony fell next to him, leaning back against the wall and grinning up at his team as they circled him, kneeling, worried.

He sighed, looking up at Gibbs through half-lidded eyes. "You didn't call… 's how I knew you found him," he slurred. "All I had t' do was call the new forensics girl… tell her I needed to get a positive ID…" He shook his head. "The rest was easy…"

"You're gonna be okay," he replied, frowning down at the wound that poured deep red liquid down his side, pooling on the floor.

He scoffed, shaking his head. "As good as ever, right?" he shook his head. "Like I've been all this time…" He laughed shortly, eyes falling.

Reaching out, Gibbs gave him a stinging slap to his face, trying to get him to focus. "Listen up, DiNozzo, you do _not _have permission to go out like this."

He smirked back, tasting the blood on his teeth. "Already did, Boss… Went out a looong time ago… In fact…" He lifted his finger to prove a point, "It's been exactly three weeks, four days aaand…" He squinted his eyes at the clock, "Look at that, _one _minutethat I've been gone." He waved a hand as if to say goodbye.

"Tony…" He frowned. "_Abby _died, you—"

"Went _with _her," he growled back thickly.

He shook his head.

"The medic's coming, Boss," McGee said from behind them. "He's in the elevator."

"It's too late," Tony told them, grinning. "Too late…"

Gibbs stared starkly at him. "You knew he was going to kill you…"

"If he didn't, I'd have killed him," he snarled back, "and then it was either a melodramatic suicide or a lifetime spent in jail…" He sighed. "And I can't bring my movies there…Not the ones that matter." He looked away, gaze unfocused. Breathing labored, he felt an inner-calm that was almost sweet, even warm, wrapping around his body. "She… believed in heaven…" He chuckled. "She's have to t' bowl with nuns…"

"Pay attention, DiNozzo… we are _not _going to lose you too. You're not goin' anywhere!"

His expression faltered; the ruse falling victim to the agony. Mouth trembling, his eyes filled thickly. "I-I couldn't do it… I knew she'd-she'd want me to, but…" He shook his head. "I couldn't… Not-Not without her… I…" He swallowed tightly, his chest hitching. "I lost them… I lost them both and I didn't even… I couldn't…"

Gibbs jaw clenched. "You knew she was pregnant…"

He nodded, his breath coming out in labored pants. "I knew before she did. I…" Tears slid down his face. "She was getting sick… every morning and I… I told her to so see somebody but I knew… I just knew she… _we_…" He looked back at him, his expression stricken. "She was _my _Shannon…"

"I know…" He nodded, jaw tight. "I _know_."

Reaching out, he gripped the lapel of Gibbs jacket and squeezed. "'m sorry… 'm sorry I'm not strong enough."

He shook his head, taking Tony's shoulder and gripping it tight. "You did good, son… You did good."

He managed a smile but it fell just as quickly as it appeared. "I practiced my last words… just in case, y'know?"

Gibbs allowed a slight grin. "Let's hear 'em."

Swallowing thickly, he replied, "I… I was born when she kissed me. I-I _died _when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me…" He grinned, laughed ever so slightly and then his eyes fell blank, his grip loosening and his last breath escaped him.

Sitting dead, there before his boss, he didn't hear Gibbs' faint reply. "Humphrey Bogart, a 1950's classic… In A Lonely Place." Head bowed, he squeezed Tony's shoulder once more and then stepped back.

The medic was there, too late to do anything. Just like he had been when Abby was finally discovered.

Stepping back, eyes looking down at the two bodies, he stared a moment longer at Anthony DiNozzo before shaking his head and walking away. Past the hallway filled with its staring workers, whispering, shocked, already spinning stories on how it went down. Past Ziva and McGee, who looked down, both shocked and yet… _not_. As if somehow they knew… eventually, it would come to this. And he kept walking, through the pen and into the elevator, until the doors closed and he was able to pull the break, the security lights coming on.

Wearing his senior agent's blood on his jacket, he dragged his cell phone from the inside pocket and hit one on his speed-dial, lifting it to his ear and closing his eyes.

"_Hey!_" her voice cheered loudly. "_You've reached Abby and Tony Scuito, we're not home right now and—_"

"_Abs!_" Tony interrupted. "_You can't give me your last name! Makes me sound _feminine!"

And with a faint grin, Gibbs mourned the loss of his friends, his family; of his sweet, quirky forensics scientist and his goofy senior agent. He knew that morning something wasn't going to go right. Just as he had the day Abby died, he felt it again shortly before Tony had ended the whole mess. There was just something in his gut that told him something was coming; something that would end a life or two… or _three_.

Stabbing the elevator back into motion, he let her voice echo in his ears, let their memory surround him. And like Shannon and Kelly, he lost this frame of family as well. And not for the first time, Leroy Jethro Gibbs would have to put himself back together, with a few too many important pieces missing, never to be truly replaced.

**Italian to English Translations**

_Più, Anthony…_ - More, Anthony.

_Venire qui, mio Stallone Italiano!_ – Come here, my Italian Stallion

_Il mio adore… Mio dolce Abigail. _- My love. My sweet Abigail.

_Per sempre_ – For always.


End file.
